Lovely
by Canadino
Summary: While shopping in the drugstore for feminine products for her precious girlfriend, Leia crosses paths with her hated rival, Berwald. There is a battle between tampons and pads. Which side will you chose? fem!DenNor, Polish AU.


**Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the story idea and only some of the witty remarks. I own so little; so please don't steal.**

Background music: -

Note: Remy = Norway, Leia = Denmark

Lovely

In every girl's life, she has to make a choice. One decision is safe, reliable, and familiar. The other is daring, dangerous, and new. Should she pick the momma-knows-best route or blaze new trails? Remy should be glad she had such a girlfriend like Leia to help her choose. In one hand, Leia had a box of pads. In the other, she had a box of tampons.

Decisions, decisions.

Drugstores always had such awful lighting. Neither box screamed at her. The pads had tasteful flowers on the box. But the tampons were colored. They were cute! Pink and green and blue. In fact, pads came in colored ones too, but Leia had bought a box before (excitedly) and discovered that only the packaging was colored. What a ripoff. Weighing each box, Leia considered. They were about the same price (but money wasn't an option when it came to her precious Remy's personal health) and it was more cost efficient for the pads, but the tampons were so cute. Cute, cute, cute.

But tampons could be bad too. Leia really had no preference, although she always thought tampons were slightly better since she played more sports than Remy. Although it had never happened to her, she'd heard horror stories about tampons, how they could break or not come out. As if she was going to risk that! Leia started putting the tampon box back on the shelf. Like she was going to be responsible for possibly hurting Remy's precious, lovely

"Leia."

Leia jumped, nearly dropping the tampon box and scattering the boxes along the shelf. Clutching the feminine napkins to her chest, she found herself shouting, "They're not for me!" Why she would be embarrassed to say this out of habit was beyond her; after all, it wasn't like she was buying anything unusual for her. But when she saw who had spoken to her, a dark scowl painted itself on her face. She should have kept the cute colored tampons to throw at him.

"Berwald." To describe it as a hiss did not do her tone of voice justice.

What a creep. Not only was he a sexist jerk, but he had the nerve to parade around the women's hygiene aisle as if he had a right to be there. It was just as bad as seeing him wandering around the lingerie section at the mall. Probably preying on unsuspecting girls at their time of the month so he could assault them and spread his spawn. Well, lucky for her, Leia was not on her period. "If they're not for you, who are they for?"

Leia stuck her tongue out, still hugging the box. They were precious commodities. "For Remy. We were driving around and she started her flow early and didn't have anything so I, being the awesome, responsible girlfriend, went into a drugstore and bought it for her. Aren't I dedicated?"

"Nothing special; you're a girl."

"Well, what are _you_ here for?" Leia shot back. "Oh, I see, for all your stupid chauvinist talk, you're actually secretly a girl with a really ugly flat chest and you can't hide it anymore because now you really need this." Leia shook around the box. "I think I'll go buy all of them and I won't let you have them."

"I'm not here for that," Berwald said, looking a little put out at the suggestion. "I just happened to see you here."

"Oh, yeah, right." She had to be on his guard. Berwald was a sly bastard, who was also a womanizer. Alright, so she hadn't had first hand evidence that he was, but all she knew was that Tiina was after him and he was after her ('her' meaning herself; gross, the thought was disgusting, although really, who could resist such a hot mess?). But, Leia thought triumphantly to herself, it was too late for Berwald to try and sink his ugly, dirty teeth into her. Her heart was already taken, by the sweet-sometimes-saucy girl waiting for her in the front seat of the used station wagon outside. So ha.

"Are you alright?" Berwald frowned, which was what Leia thought he was doing – his perpetual scowl seemed to deepen. "You're grinning like an idiot."

"I was just thinking about how not only do I dominate you on the basketball court but my personal life is much better than yours." Leia tossed her head proudly about, her short messy blonde hair flapping with each movement. "Unlike you, I have someone who is madly in love with me, which is a girl's true, pure dream."

She watched as Berwald mouthed true, pure dream and scowled some more (he'd need Botox with all those unsightly wrinkles). What a blowhard. She didn't know why she bothered talking to him..."Ah!" That's right, she couldn't dilly dally. Remy was waiting in the car for her!

Speak of the devil, the long haired blonde was coming right up the aisle as she spoke. "Leia, I seriously was thinking that perhaps you had wandered into another aisle and had totally forgotten about my crisis…" Coming up to Berwald, Remy looked confused for a moment before she looked dangerously blank. "Hello, Berwald. Leia probably blabbered to you about me, didn't she?"

"Hmm."

Tossing her hair over her shoulder, Remy grabbed Leia by the arm and started dragging her down the aisle toward the registers. "I don't know what you see in her," she scoffed over her shoulder at him. "So I couldn't possibly fathom what would possess you to accost her in a drugstore."

"Are you jealous?" Leia squealed, hugging Remy and squashing her chest against the back of the already irritated girl's head. "Oh, you're so cute! You know, I was thinking about getting you those cute colored tampons but I knew you wouldn't like them."

"I just want to get back to the car," Remy grounded, shoving the box of pads at the startled cashier and silencing him with a glare. "You're too annoying to deal with."

"She's on her period," Leia explained quite loudly to the cashier, who tried to look as if he hadn't heard. "She gets a little cranky these times of the month."

Ice, who had been getting ready to go out (ag, she didn't want to think about it, how did it happen, _Gilbert_ of all people…) and had started to open her mouth when Remy stormed into the house with Leia all covered with pads in tow, but thought better to ask.

Owari

[=]

Note: Then they made out. Tasteless, vulgar, and base. But this had to happen. Fem!DenNor couldn't exist without it. This is the only Polish AU without makeup in its name! Yay! NO ONE should be offended, it's a natural process, but if you are, I apologize. It's really supposed to be for laughs. Thanks for reading.** Edit**: Apparently the dialogue is difficult to follow...? I guess it's what I get for dashing it off in ten minutes. But if there is speech in a paragraph, it is all said by one person.


End file.
